Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
