i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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