Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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