how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
