I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
