I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
