He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
