you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
