I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
