she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
