I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
