and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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