Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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