we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
