I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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