She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
