Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
