I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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