if only i could text you this smell
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize