1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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