and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
