her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize