you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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