I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
