i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she smelled like a LAN party
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
