he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
