Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
