I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize