Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
