great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize