hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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