That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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