he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
