My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
