The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
