Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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