Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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