it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
