i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
our cab driver is having phone sex.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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