Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
