My hand turned me down
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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