Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
