What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
