I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
