my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
