yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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