I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
