i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize