So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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