Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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