I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
