I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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