i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
