Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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