bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
