I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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