Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
