I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
