Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
