she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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