I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
