It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
