They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
