no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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