Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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