it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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