Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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