He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
