Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
